Background of The Commune

The Commune is an autonomous region located in the area formerly housing Rhode Island. In 2019, after finding out that Staten Island wasn’t its own state, The Commune overtook Rhode Island by uniting liberal arts colleges across the northeast and gaining grant money from Buzzfeed Corp., which thought this was a joke. Not to go off on a tangent, but when they found out it wasn’t a joke, they were like, “ew...”, but we were like, “too bad, Buzzfeed.” After BuzzFeed, The Commune found an investor in Kim DotCom, an internet entrepreneur and rapper, who has become a sort-of “cool but creepy uncle” to Commune-ers.
Examples of Commune-ers include but are not limited to, people who really want to like Kale, college graduates who probably would have gone into farming because NPR told them to, the 99%, the 1% who did it on a dare, and professors who are trying to be supportive but really don’t get it. As a Commune-ity we believe in every conspiracy theory, except the wrong ones. Specifically, since we were started by tweakers indebted to Sallie Mae, we believe that Shia LaBeouf is the reincarnation of Abraham Lincoln. This core value has shaped the beliefs and taste in music of The Commune itself. Our Commune-al Anthem is Pass This On by The Knife, our Commune-al Hymnal is Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey, and our Commune-al Animal is a plush puppy wearing a birthday hat.
The Commune-stitution
1. Officials are to be elected by a deep voice in a dark room that is reminiscent of your dead, unloving father.
2. All elected officials must be able to do a half-decent Ice-T impression.
3. To join the Commune-ity, prospective members must have three core conflicting values, and one of them must be pottery-making.
4. Don’t question The Commune, and it won’t ask you to tell us your deepest fears.
5. [CLASSIFIED] Oh no. Whoops.
6. Lava is not scary. You are scary. You should be scared.
7. Don’t Waste the Life that the Good Lord gave You.
8. Friends. 1-3 is sufficient.
9. Put whatever you want in your body. It’s your body.
10. Remember to Forget